heart to heart
Today we had lunch to celebrate my boss' birthday, and.. some things occurred that seemed odd to me.Firstly, my boss started asking around what people are doing for Valentine's day. It seemed I was the only one of the bunch to be doing anything. Everyone else just shrugged it off. This is what I have to look forward to..? It was a full 360 from Andrew's sister who is all excited about doing something special for her first valentine's day with her new boyfriend. I mean, this was last month and when she asked, I wasn't even feeling it. I had to say, to be honest, I hadn't thought of it at all. And now, mostly because of her, I am thinking about it as it's getting closer. But none of the people I work with seem to care.
Another thing was my camera. My retarded coworker said I should bring it to lunch (I don't normally do such things and this is why:). As soon as I brought it out, Jennifer immediately said, "oh, it's like you're Asian." Well I'm not Asian and I thought that was rude. She's Asian, so I guess she can say what she wants.
So. I also had pictures from yesterday's lunch walk, and Pidge asked if I showed one I showed her yesterday, so I started showing some pictures from my camera at the table.. Yes, I took a lot of pictures of the snow because it still excites me. So some of my pictures might have seemed odd or excessive.. at the same time, I do get complimented for having a good eye. My boss even asked me if I was going to publish them. How does one go about doing that..? I guess taking pictures is my hobby. I would love to learn more and do more with it, though.
Anyway, I was going to say their lackluster attitude toward their surroundings was a bit.. sobering. And again I had to ask myself, is this what I have to look forward to..? Perhaps I am in the wrong profession. More so than I thought.
Because.. retarded as it was, the sharing of my pictures felt relaxing, comforting, and rewarding. Because in a sense, I was sharing myself. And it's always a relief to be able to do that.
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Further, back to valentine's day.. my boss outright asked me, "Who likes who better?" I just looked at her with mock shock, mouth open and everything. She said there's always one who likes the other more. And she had this theory that if the guy likes the girl better, the relationship will work out. "She knows," she said of me. And when she asked again I just said, "I don't like to say" all cutesy and innocent-like. She laughed and said she liked that answer.
But then I was just thinking.. the majority of my relationships (2 out of 3) involved the guy liking me more. And what happened? I broke up with them. I think I liked my first boyfriend more than he liked me and, well, he broke up with me. There has to be more of a balance..
Speaking of the first boyfriend.. weird dream last night. But we shan't go there. At least not now. Or here.