one good punch
Discipline.The plan made when I wrote the last entry was as such:
Before checking email, write a little in your diary.. whatever's on your mind. That would mean every day. But last week was a busy one. You can read about it here. There are pretty pictures, too. And pretty pictures are always important.
So last week I barely checked my email. And when I did get a little chance, it was those ten, fifteen minutes before I really needed to be in bed. Hardly a good time for jotting down any coherent thoughts.
And so we begin..
Today I had a little bit of rage well up. I wanted to hit my boyfriend as hard as I could. No real reason. Just for a little release and to really see how hard I could hit. I even asked him if I could, but he didn't care for the idea. Believe it or not, I've had other partners who actually would indulge me. This thing comes and goes.
So I did a little pushing anyway, a little wrestling.. I ended up hurting him a bit and he got suddenly serious and firm and grabbed me and told me to stop and that he doesn't like this. I think it was that sudden sternness that I was looking for. Driving someone to an impulse reaction. That person taking control of me. His sudden sternness was unbelievably soothing. Yell at me some more. Tell me that I'm wrong. Tell me what to do and what I can't do.. Be forceful with me..
Just for a little bit..
I was enlightened recently that the secret ruler of Virgo is Vulcan. Vulcan rules the underlying fiery passionate side of Virgo and is in direct conflict with Mercury. I'm drawn to this idea as an explanation of the struggle I experience.