the little things
Some people like eating peanut butter out of the jar. I like eating mayo.But I'm not fat. I'm just one of those people who benefitted from a low carb, high fat diet where the fat literally melted off. And I didn't to an inkling of exercising. And I could eat all the cheese and eggs that I want. Because cheese and eggs are the most perfect foods ever. I went on a diet, I didn't have to starve, and I lost 50 pounds.
Sometimes I feel fat, though. My thighs could definitely use some toning. I eat pretty normal now and I still don't gain any of the weight back. Once in a while I keep a low carb day and I feel pretty happy about that, but it's not really necessary. Unless I'd like to try to lose more weight. Which, maybe I do.
I'm going to shut up about eating, though.
I have no cleavage. That sucks. No, I guess I don't really care. I just don't want to look weird to other people. Not that that should matter to me.
I've been making comments lately to lead my pookie to think he's not big enough. Which is a mean thing to do. That's getting a guy right where it hurts, I guess. I'm not trying to make him feel bad, I'd like to just be candid and blunt about these things, but it's nothing to feel bad about. Me, my tits are too small. He could point that out to me if whatever's I'm saying is making him feel sad. None of us are perfect. But the fun thing is that we can own our imperfections, make them ours, and then we can make light of them, because whatever it is.. it's okay. I have a friend who likes to keep pointing out to everyone that his penis is only 3 inches. [I've been tempted to request proof, but have so far refrained from doing so.] It's funny. He can make us laugh. Because he's blunt and doesn't care. Why should he care? And I guess he knows that all he really has to do to make the girls quiver is show them his tongue, anyway.
I have small tits and I like them, thank you.
So anyway.. I seem to have something of a social life down here now. I have a lot of friends from high school that I've reunited with and we've been hanging out. Tonight I went with Jaclyn to see WeakSauce play. There, I reunited with a friend I haven't seen in a few years. She was one of my best friends in high school. I just lost touch. But now I have her number. And.. just in time to celebrate her birthday with her.
And.. hrm.. it's pookie's birthday now. Y'know. I don't know if I've even bought this boy a gift yet. He's gotten me lots of stuff. But what have I gotten him? I wouldn't even know what to get him... Aaron, though.. I have millions of ideas of things to get him. I saw something in a store just today I could've gotten him. Why is he so easy and my pookie so hard...? Aaron gets easily excited about things, I guess, and it's harder to see andrew's excitement.
What did I see for Aaron..? Christmas beads and ornaments. Gaudy-looking ones. I could hear his voice telling me that the best place to find mardi gras beads and decorations for the beads is a christmas store. Well I wasn't in a christmas store, but I did see christmas stuff. We went to mardi gras in new orleans once. In, like, 2001. I've yet to develop the pictures, if they can even be successfully developed anymore. *sigh* We were supposed to go again. He promised me a better mardi gras because when we went, things weren't working out or something. But he and his friends used to go all out. They would make beads. Beads with, like, little plastic toys attached to them [like a toy howie d], or ornaments. Girls could show their titties and muffs all they wanted, but they were never getting those beads. Heh.
And king cake.. that was good stuff. With the little baby jesus for you to choke on.
Goddammit, I wish we'd had our chance to go back again. There was so much we were supposed to do, not just mardi gras. So many wishes and hopes and dreams and plans that just never materialized...
Backpacking in Europe..
At the very least, we made it to Blizzard Beach.
I guess that's something.
I want to keep him as my best friend and still do all the things we wanted to do. But I know that's not really feasible. Can I adopt him as my brother..?
Why fucking not.
It doesn't help that he still loves me and it hurts for him to have contact with me. I wish he could just love me and not necessarily want to be with me. Love me like a best friend. Like family. Like I love him. I don't want to be with him. But I do want him in my life, always.